Jean Therapy

After nearly 10 years of experimental research, I’ve made the holey grail of discoveries: slowing the rate of those rapidly aging jeans!

My embryonic secret was out the day I contacted Leslie. In addition to being a multi-talented laboratory technician, she was also known for her creative moonlighting habits in the sewing department. Three days and two retrofitted pairs of black, work slacks later and I was set to see out my last eight weeks of deception in comfort. As it turned out, I needn’t have bothered. My shrewd colleagues were quick to note my sudden passion for lurching my students into the age of independent learning as the rapidly developing, in-vivo K1 saw fit to see me chained to the school house lavatory.

Raising a family on a single post doc salary in a foreign country has it’s psychological blessings. Rotting food is a meal half full and used-by-dates equal guidelines only. Heating in -30oC temperatures gains luxury status. And ripped clothes and rags mature into fabric dividends. Not wanting to let an out-of-work, pre-baby 6 months go to landfill, I quickly put my lime-green, retro Brother to stitching work, whipping up nappies, rompers, sleep suits and other such baby DNA (Definitely Non-negotiable Attire).

By age two, K1 had begun to express characteristics of his mothers phenotype: a predisposition to premature, tear-lomeric degradation of jeanetic material. Invoking the creative powers of Leslie times past, I began to tinker with excising junk cloth and splicing this elemental textile with other durable equivalents.

The results…

Well depending on how I choose to translate the repaired jeanotype, I either go punk- rocker style (above left) and patch behind the hole or over the top for the confident, D.I.Y. suave finish (above right).

Of course, by the end of the winter season, my very active little mutants have outrun the sewing room’s rate of repair such that only one course of action remains to keep the jean-dream alive: amputation.

OK…so it might not be a Nobel Prize winning revelation or worthy of a spread in hard Times magazine…but atleast my kids are now decked out for a Hot-Pants summer of poolside commutes or broiling sessions in the mud pie kitchen.

The details for Patching those Britches and Making Denim (and other) Hot Pants has been spliced below:

Patching those Britches

  1. Using sewers measuring tape, measure the length of fabric patch that you will need to cover the hole (I always add an extra inch or so above and below and half an inch either side).

  2. Using scrap paper, make a patch template equal to the width and length measured. Truncate the corners by rounding them out for a smoother finish.
  1. Using a similar (or contrasting) colour fabric of durable strength (I always use denim, corduroy or any other type of heavy cotton), cut out two patches for each leg of the pants (a double thickness patch seems to see the pants through to the end of the season).
  1. Using a quick unpick tool, unpick one side of the pants starting from atleast one inch above where you wish the patch to sit and end atleast one inch below (I always go for the side with the least stitching). Ensure you remove all the thread scraps lest they get stuck in the machine when sewing.

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  1. Pin the patches over the hole (or underneath if you prefer) ensuring that you do not accidentally pin through to the back of the jeans. Using a basting stitch (the largest stitch width) sew (about 1 inch from the edge of the patch) the patch in place, removing the pins as you go.

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  1. Using zig-zag (or decorative stitch if you prefer) stitch, slowly sew (on a wide width and low stitch length setting) around the edge of the patch ensuring that you do not catch the back of the jeans as you sew. Repeat for the second patch. If choosing to go underneath the hole (for the punk rocker look) then also sew around the hole so that the fabric sits tighter onto the patch (and is less likely to get snagged on obstacles during play).
  2. Unpick the basting stitch. Sew up the side seam and zig-zag stitch the raw edges to finish.

    Whack them back on your little mutant for their next bout of textile testing play!

Making Denim (and other) Hot Pants

  1. Place the jeans onto your child and mark on the outside of a leg seam (using a washable sewing pen), where your child wishes for the shorts to finish. Add an extra 3 cm to this length. Repeat with the opposite leg. Sever the jeans ensuring that your cutting line is approximately parallel with the seam at the ankle.

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  1. Turn the (now) shorts inside out. Turn over 1 cm of the raw edge. Press. Turn over another 1 cm. Press and pin in place. Repeat for the opposite leg.

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  1. Sewing as close as possible to the outside seam, sew around the leg hole ensuring that you stretch the fabric as you go so as to avoid the seam being too tight around the leg. Sew a second seam ¼ inch from the first. Repeat with the opposite leg.

    Eureka! Some Hot-pants for those sweltering summer days.

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